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Ending Messages in the DLC levels of Viscera Cleanup Detail differ from the standard Ending Messages found upon level completion. Their content ties into the themes of each level.

Note that the text below is copied from the game as it appears in the game, including typos and misspellings.

Santa's Rampage Edit

Completion Notices Edit

Upon Receiving an Employee of the Month Award
Inspection-Santa-Exceptional-0
Official Inspection Report
"I was genuinely overwhelmed.

Not once in all my hard years have I seen such an amazing job!

Not only was everything spotlessly clean and restored, it was also organized and tidy.

I would love for this to become the norm, therefore I am requesting that we raise the expectations of out Janitors. A higher bar will encourage better performance.

I foresee a troubled time for this team, they are sure to be the envy of many of our more violent subjects.

In the meantime, I encourage you to award this exceptional crew!"

Notice-Santa-Exceptional
Official Notice
Dear Employee:

Your exceptional performance has been noted.

As I understand it, the inspector was most pleased.

On behalf of upper ladders, I have been asked to invite you to a festive company venue where we will reward you for your conduct.

Many notable executives will be in attendance.

Proper corporate conduct is expected, failure to present yourself with decency will lead to award forfeiture.

Also, thanks to you the performance marking system is being re-evaluated.

Thank you, and congratulations.

EndMsg-Santa-KillSanta
The Polar Times
======================
JANITOR KILLS SANTA
After an astonishingly skillful performance by a sanitation technician last week, they were credited with an Employee of the Month award and a special gift.

However, after receiving their reward; the chance to sit with Santa, the Janitor promptly went berserk and attacked him with a mop, causing brain damage that led to his death.

It was later revealed that "Santa" was actually just an ex-actor for hire; "Hellfieg Stromer", famous only for not being a famous actor...
Upon Completing an Acceptable Job
Inspection-Santa-Satisfactory-0
Official Inspection Report
"The workshop appeared to be in a good state; more or less.
Despite searching the area thoroughly, I was unable to find anything offensive.
At least with cleaning performance.

The crew employed to work on this workshop performed acceptably, and I would tentatively recommend that they be assigned to other jobs.

I did however find a disturbing lack of urination facilities, but that's beside the point.
I would be pleased if more employees were this good.

I'll be keeping a keen eye on this restoration crew.
If they don't keep it up, they will be hearing from me."
Notice-Santa-Promotion
Official Notice
Dear Employee:

After due consideration and thorough investigation it is the corporation's view that you should recieve a promotion.

You shall recieve the following benefits:

-Upgrade from 24x32" of office space to 26x40".

-A 5% income increase!

-A 3 space jump on the company equipment waiting list.

Keep up the good work and you could rise to the esteemed position of Hygiene Captain within 20 years!

Thank you, and have a nice day.

Upon Completion of Sub-Par Job
Inspection-Santa-Awful-0
'Official Inspection Report'
"I honestly ask you, was a restoration crew employeed to work this site?

Because I didn't see any indication of "work". The workshop was a tragic distaster! I fear my love for Christmas has been permanently destroyed after gazing on the pure horror scattered about everywhere I looked.

I'm convinced that if a crew had been here, I would not be terrified of Santa.

I hope management intends to roast these sub-human employees for such a woefully lacking performance.

The next time I go on an inspection, I demand proper compensation! This is awful..."

Notice-Santa-Demotion
Official Notice
Dear Employee:

The sub-standard work ethic that you demonstrated last week will not be tolerated!

Consider this your official warning; shape up!

Given your performance, the following are now in effect:

-Instant dismissal from company equipment waiting list.

-Reduction to an 18x24" office space.

-Negation of corporate privileges.

-A downgrade to the F-series "Sparkle" Mop.

Thank you, and good day.

Upon Getting Fired
Inspection-Santa-Filthy-0
Official Inspection Report
"Never in all my years have I witnessed a workshop as tragic and filthy as I did this week.

The failure of the restoration crew employed to work the site during the week is beyond unforgivable!

Should Management decide to continue employing these... reprobates, I myself will be forced to resign.

As it is, I question how they were ever even\ngiven access in the first place!\n\nI intend to inquire more over at the HR office. Even if the people there are not from my department, something must be done!"
Notice-Santa-Fired
Official Notice
Dear Employee:

Your conduct during last week's work shift has led to an official inquiry into the company's "special" operations.

We cannot afford to continue hiring destructively incompitent individuals such as yourself.

Consider this your final notice; you are dismissed!

Executives will be over to question you soon.

You are to have your office space cleared out by tomorrow, and you are to hand in your mop and festive hat at once!

Thank you, and good day.

'Upon Getting the Company Liquidated'
Inspection-Santa-Failure-0
Official Inspection Report
"I've inspected work before, but nothing this bad!

I am shocked and speechless, what could I possibly comment on?

Not a few paces into the site and I was covered in Elf blood, their innocent faces gazing at me as I stumble and trip on countless sharp and broken items which used to fill my heart with joy! The amount of blood on every surface... beyond words.

I didn't dare check the whole workshop, I was already in tears after 5 minutes. I'm never going back in there again!

I need to see my doctor, again. I just...AAAH!"
Notice-Santa-Liquidated
Official Notice
Dear Employee:

Your corporate contract is hereby revoked.

We will not bother dismissing you. You'll be joining everyone else in poverty as the corporation shuts down.

I will make it my personal mission to ensure that every god damn office and corporation on the planet knows not to hire your sorry ass!

I wish I could see your face, but now I too must find new employment, with this filth on my record...

May you rot in whatever hole you crawled out of!

Thank you, and enjoy the suffering...

Newspaper Clippings Edit

Notices found in the Office after completing the Santa's Rampage level are published by different newsletters: "The Polar Times", "The Arctic Paper", "Alpine Recline", "Avalanche Report", "Blizzard News", "Flake Mail", "Igloopalooza", "The Elf Press", and "Terror Watch".

Upon destroying Christmas items
EndMsg-Santa-XmasDestroyed
The Polar Times
======================
JANITORS DESTROY CHRISTMAS
Children around the world are crying after a statement released by the arctic postal service that: "Due to the tragic events at Santa's Workshop and the complete and unsanctioned destruction of festive items and presets by the restoration crew employed to cleanup, Christmas is cancelled."

While Christmas may not actually be cancelled, the delivery of parcels to children across the world is now impossible.

"There is simply not enough time anymore thanks to their Janitors, sorry kids..."
Upon leaving blood
EndMsg-Santa-Contagion
The Polar Times
======================
CONTAGION KILLS THOUSANDS
Desperate attempts to curb the outbreak of "Elf Flu" gripping the world at the moment continue, while authorities launch a man hunt for those responsible after scientists revealed the source of the outbreak in each case was a blood tainted gift sent from "Santa's Workshop" in the north pole.

The workshop has denied responsibility despite having packaged the goods.

They instead claim a sanitation corporation is responsible.

EndMsg-Santa-Quarantined
Blizzard News
======================
NORTH POLE QUARANTINED
The ongoing efforts of world governments to address the limitless swarm of parasite carrying tropical flies that have plagues the north pole have led to the entire area being quarantined; some 200 square miles.

Scientists cannot explain how the flies have survived, but they do know the cause;

traces of Elf blood within a workshop near the north pole.

Various agencies are at present seeking suspects. Primary among them is the restoration crew.

Upon leaving scorch marks
EndMsg-Santa-ElfDies
The Polar Times
======================
ELF DIES ON THE JOB
Tragic news this week after an Elf was shot to death while delivering presents on Christmas eve.

The Elf, reportedly slipped in through a window, but was shot after being mistaken for a thief.
This may be due to the Elf having been covered in black soot.

The Elf's employer states that the soot came from the workshop, the result of a scorch mark not cleaned up by the restoration crew employed to clean up last week.
Naturally they are being prosecuted.
EndMsg-Santa-Prosecute
Fir Digest
======================
ANGRY FAMILIES PROSECUTE "SANTA"
After countless reports of goods recieved from "Santa's Workshop" containing black residue, families around the world are prosecuting "Santa" for ongoing cases of tuberculosis.

"Santa's Workshop" maintains that they are not really to blame, but that the restoration corporation employed to clean the workshop failed to clean-up some black "sooty" markings.

Santa is still believed to be on the run, and there is no evidence to suggest he is involved with the new management at the workshop.
Upon leaving Elf parts
EndMsg-Santa-Abominable
The Polar Times
======================
ABOMINABLE TREATMENT OF ELVES
Various Elf unions are in an uproar this week after it became known that a large beast prowling the north pole has killed and eaten several Elves working in the area.

Strange reports suggest it is the mythical Abominable Snowman who is responsible.

Authorities claim the beast may have obtained a taste for Elf after consuming dead Elves found in a nearby workshop that was not properly sanitized.

The restoration corporation maintain their innocence.
EndMsg-Santa-Bears
The Arctic Paper
======================
BEAR DEVOURS WORKFORCE
Horrifying reports indicate that the entire workforce at a logging camp in the arctic circle were devoured by polar bears earlier this week.

The camp leader, an Elf, was apparently the first to be eaten, followed by his staff, many of which were Elves too.

Scientists believe the polar bears had gained a taste for Elf after consuming body parts left by careless janitors at another workshop 20 miles away, however ludicrous that sounds.
Upon leaving Reindeer parts
EndMsg-Santa-Burger
The Polar Times
======================
REINDEER BURGER SCANDAL
Increasing reports of vomitting are still coming in since tuesday when a local "Abominable Burger" opened its doors.

After it was revealed by a local hunter that he tasted Reindeer in the burger, patrons began to vomit uncontrollably.

Despite this increase in meat quality, customers are prosecuting the fast-food chain and attempting to trace the meat to its supplier.

Early evidence points to "Santa's Workshop" for supplying the meat.
EndMsg-Santa-Jerky
Avalanche Report
======================
REINDEER JERKY CLOSES AIRPORT
An entire airport in Argentina was closed on thursday after a package from the north pole came through customs.

The package reportedly contained what at first seemed like jerky, but turned out to be deeply rotted Reindeer meat, thus leading to the closure of the airport until proper containment could be ensured.

The Argentinian government are demanding answers from the sender; a workshop in the north pole.
Upon leaving knives
EndMsg-Santa-Chef
The Polar Times
======================
SOUS CHEF JAILED FOR NEGLIGENCE
A famous sous chef at a Canadian hotel has been arrested on suspicion of negligence after several patrons reportedly took ill from eating the popular veal dish served at the restaurant.

The chef's lawyer claims that his client is innocent and that his filleting knife (a recent purchase) is to blame.

The knife, obtained from a mail order with "Santa's Workshop" could very well have been one of the murder weapons used during the workshop's recent "incident".

Authorties are investigating the possibility.

EndMsg-Santa-Juggler
Igloopalooza
======================
KNIFE JUGGLER STABS HIMSELF
Not a few hours before the biggest show in the arctic circle was to be opened to the public, Snuffle Knifefinger, the famous Elf knife juggler was found dead in his tent.

Fellow entertainers say they had never seen the knife before and that he would never use such a knife for his act, it's too big.

Police suggest he may simply have been curious, and attempted to juggle it anyway.

The Elf community is in an uproar over the police once again simply dismissing the death of an Elf without even bothering to investigate.
Upon leaving broken glass
EndMsg-Santa-Glassware-0
The Polar Times
======================
YET MORE ELVES DIE
After the recently restored "Santa's Workshop" returned to work on monday, the new Elven employees have started dying again.


Reports indicate the Elves have all died as a result of sharp glass pieces that were not cleared from the worksite by the sanitation crew employed the previous week.

Naturally, their corporation is being sued for damages by various Elf unions.

"Tiny Littleton" himself is seeking the death penalty for those responsible.

EndMsg-Santa-GlassEater
Flake Mail
======================
GLASS EATER DIES
The famous glass eater, Billy "Major Pane" Johnson died on wednesday after consuming some luxury chocolates sent from "Santa's Workshop" for Christmas.

Billy, caught unprepared by the stray glass shards in the chocolate box died in mere minutes.

Billy's agent has urged authorities to bring the culprits to justice, and is offering a reward. The company responsible for the workshop's restoration has come forward with employee names in hopes of claiming the reward.
Upon leaving a bottle of eggnog
EndMsg-Santa-Eggnog-0
The Polar Times
======================
EGGNOG KILLS
The Society for the Prevention of Clubbed Albatross have accused a cleanup crew employed to work on a workshop in the north pole of "polluting the north sea with the most rotten "Chuck Hurlington's Eggnog" known to man."

Several species of seals and albatross are in danger of being wiped out by the toxic pollutant. As yet, little can be done to remove the thick and slimy layer that coats the ocean.
As a result, "Chuck Hurlington's" have since added a warning label to their product:

"May react unfavorably with salt water."

EndMsg-Santa-DrunkChild
Snowed In Times
======================
DRUNK CHILD KILLS FAMILY
After being thoroughly disappointed with his presents, young Alby threw a tantrum and then ran to his room.

In the night he drunk the Eggnog he received from the north pole, sending him into a drunken rage.

In the morning, a neighbor found Alby covered in blood and passed out next to his dead mother and father.

Authorities are bringing a law suit against the disreputable workshop who sent alchohol to the child.

Alby is yet to be adopted...

Upon leaving disposal bins
EndMsg-Santa-SinkedShip
The Polar Times
======================
DISPOSAL BIN SINKS SHIP
In what can only be described as a disaster, it has come to the attention of authorities that the recently sunk "RMS Gigantic" cruise ship was the result of an unnatural iceberg.

The iceberg reportedly formed around a disposal bin left floating in the north sea.

The disposal bin's serial number has led authorities to the culprits; a sanitiation company likely employed to work a job in the north pole.

The structural design of the "RMS Gigantic" is presently being questioned.
EndMsg-Santa-Assassin-0
The Elf Press
======================
ELF ASSASSIN MURDERS ACTIVIST
The unscrupulous actions of "Little Finger" are well known. A deadly and elusive assassin who has no problem throwing his Elf brethren to the wolves, always leaving a calling card for the authorities has done it again.

Early Monday, "Little Finger" killed the famous leader of the "Activists for Respected and Safe Elves" organization.

Authorities are blaming a sanitation company for the disposal bin "Little Finger" used to remain undetected in the crowd prior to the assassination.
Upon leaving buckets
EndMsg-Santa-Avalanche-0
The Polar Times
======================
BUCKET CAUSES AVALANCHE
Scientists studying the avalanche that covered a town in the arctic circle last week have come to some startling conclusions.

Apparently a simple bucket left in the snow was the cause.

Due to the build up of snow drift around the bucket on an otherwise clear cliffside, the entire area eventually gave way.

Authorities are pursuing legal action against the sanitation group recently employeed to work in the artic circle.

It remains to be seen if anything comes of it.

EndMsg-Santa-Narwhal-0
The Hibernation Digest
======================
NARWHAL ALPHA DIES
The famous Narwhal "Nelly" was recently discovered dead in the arctic circle.

Conerns over the outcome of the rest of his pod are high, as "Nelly" has been the Alpha male for over 50 years.
However, his death was not natural...

Strong evidence suggests a sanitation company are responsible, given the presence of a bucket stuck to "Nelly's" elongated canine or "horn". Authorities are at present trying to prosecute those responsible.
Upon leaving spent shell casings
EndMsg-Santa-MentalCase
The Polar Times
======================
ELF A MENTAL CASE; SAYS DOCTOR
The old "Cloudy Peaks" asylum has recieved a strange new patient: "Blinky Bellfeet".

The Elf was admitted after reportedly "freaking out" at his new job working in "Santa's Workshop".

His small colleagues suggest he lost it after drinking from a shotgun casing he momentarily mistook for a drinking glass.

They say he went "odd" after he was told the dark story behind the workshop's recent and tragic history; we all remember it well...

We hope the little tyke gets better soon!

EndMsg-Santa-Comet
Reindeer Post
======================
COMET DIES AFTER EATING SHELL CASING
Truly tragic news this week. It has become known that Comet, the last remaining Reindeer of Santa's herd has died.

It's well known that Santa killed all his other reindeer last week, along with all his staff. Comet was lucky enough to escape and has been carefully nursed since then.

However, on saturday he consumed a shell casing delivered to the farm from the restored "Santa's Workshop".

Suspicions abound, but it remains to be seen who will be punished for this tragedy.

Upon leaving Molotovs
EndMsg-Santa-PostOffice-0
The Polar Times
======================
POST OFFICE BURNS DOWN
A postal service office in the north pole has burned down following careless handling of a package from the recently restored "Santa's Workshop".

The package, said to contain a molotov cocktail and other substances is believed to have exploded, setting the whole office alight. Whether the package was a mistake or not is still being investigated, as is the restoration crew employed to work the workshop last week.

Many children around the world will not be getting their presents this year...
EndMsg-Santa-KKK
Alpine Recline
======================

KKK HEADQUARTERS RAIDED


Authorities surrounded an alpine cabin this week, after finding definitive proof that the cabin was the long believed headquarters of the Klu Klux Klause, the mysterious group that seem to have ties to countless criminal activities.

The FBI say they found proof in the form of a KKK video in which a one-of-a-kind "La Baguette" bottle was spotted.
The bottle, believed to have been incorrectly shipped from a recently sanitized workshop has angered the KKK greatly.

The leader has stated he will have his revenge.

Upon leaving dynamite bundles or sticks
EndMsg-Santa-ExplosiveGift
The Polar Times
======================
THE GIFT OF EXPLOSIVES
Early on Christmas morning, young Tommy was ecstatic to discover a gift from Santa among his presents.

His parents however were less impressed when Tommy pulled a stick of dynamite out of his gift and promptly lit it.

The family died instantly in the resulting explosion that destroyed their living room.

Authorities have since traced the stick to Santa's workshop and discovered that a sanitation company was to blame.
EndMsg-Santa-Terrorist
Terror Watch
======================
JANITOR A SUSPECTED TERRORIST?
After the recent terrorist attack on a reindeer farm, the FBI have revealed that the explosive device is believed to have been obtained from the recently restored 'Santa's Workshop".

It is believed that the stick of dynamite was procured with the help of an inside man.

The sanitation company who restored the workshop claim the stick was left on the scene by an employee, and that they might also be a terrorist.

Authorities have not yet rules out Santa as the prime suspect, given the dangerous fugitive's MO.
Upon leaving wood pieces and rubble
EndMsg-Santa-Crushed
The Polar Times
======================
ELF CRUSHED TO DEATH
Tragic news this week after the body of an Elf was discovered trapped under a piece of rubble.

Believed to have been crushed when the rubble fell off a table, the Elf in question would have suffered for hours before succuming.

Tiny Littleton, secretary general of the "Elves for Fairness" union is insisting the cleanup crew responsible for leaving such debris within reach be punished.

Others suggest Santa may be involved and still hiding in the area.
EndMsg-Santa-ChildSues
Snowfall Times
======================
PETULANT CHILD SUES CORPORATION
Little Jacob woke up early on Christmas day, eager to rip open his presents.

His first present however, contained only a piece of broken masonry, sending Jacob into a frenzy.

His parents have since sued "Santa's Workshop" for such an abominable gift. However, the workshop are defiantly claiming they are not responsible, and that some sanitation corporation is instead.

Jacob has since been medicated. His already falling grades are sure to suffer...

House of Horror Edit

Completion Notices Edit

Upon Receiving an Employee of the Month Award
Inspection-Horror-Exceptional
Official Inspection Report
"I was genuinely astounded.
Not once in all my long years have I seen such an efficient crew!

Not only was everything spotlessly clean and exorcised, it was also organized and tidy.

I would love for this to become the norm, therefore I am requesting that we raise the expectations of our novices. A higher bar will encourage better efficiency.

I foresee a troubled time for this group, they are sure to be the envy of many of our more violent initiates.
In the meantime, I encourage you to award this exceptional crew!"
Notice-Horror-Exceptional
Official Notice
Dear Novice:

Your exceptional performance has been noted.
As I understand it, the inspector was most pleased.

On behalf of upper ascendence, I have been asked to invite you to a closed ritual in which we will award you for your conduct.

Many notable cult leaders will be in attendance. Proper initiate conduct is expected, failure to present yourself with abject reverence will lead to award forfeiture.

Also, thanks to you the performance marking system is being re-evaluated.
Thank you, and contrafibularities.

EndMsg-Horror-Ignominious
The Zombie Weekly
======================
IGNOMINIOUS NOVICE LAUDED
After a stunningly efficient performance by a sanitation novice last week, they were awarded the coveted "Sanitary Spectre" seal.

However, after attending the exclusive ceremony in which they were handed the seal, they carelessly soiled the "Sacred Parchment" while attempting to read it.

The novice has since had their seal stripped from them and will have to settle for "Employee of the Month" and our personal "Brainless Ghoul" award.

Cult leaders are consider more severe punishments...
Upon Completing an Acceptable Job
Inspection-Horror-Acceptable
Official Inspection Report
"I found the state of the home to be acceptable; more or less.
Despite searching the property thoroughly, I was unable to find major fault. At least with the cleaning performance.

The crew employed to work on this home performed reasonaby well, and I would recommend that they be assigned to other homes.

I did however feel a dark presence watching me, but if other employees followed this example, I would be pleased.

I'll be keeping a watchful eye on this reclamation crew. If they don't follow procedures, we may have to expunge them."
Notice-Horror-Promotion
Official Notice
Dear Novice:

After due consideration and thorough investigation it is the coven's view that you should recieve a promotion.

You shall recieve the following benefits:

-Upgrade from 24x32" wardrobe to a 26x40" one.
-A 5% devotion increase!
-A 3 space jump on the cult equipment waiting list.

Keep up the good work and you could rise to the esteemed position of Sanitation Grand Master within 20 years!
Thank you, and have a nice day.

Upon Completion of Sub-Par Job
Inspection-Horror-Awful
Official Inspection Report
"If a reclamation crew was employeed to work on this home, I didn't see any sign of their work.

The house was a horror show! More than once I got attacked by some unholy animate household item. There were even remains of the previous owner assailing my person!

I'm convinced that if a crew had been here, I would still have full control of my bowels.

I should hope management intends to persecute these wretched employees.

The next time I go on an inspection, I demand proper protective clothing! This is unnatural..."

Notice-Horror-Demotion
Official Notice
Dear Novice:

The sub-standard work ethic that you demonstrated last week will not be tolerated!

Consider this your official warning; shape up!

Given your performance, the following are now in effect:

-Instant dismissal from cult equipment waiting list.
-Reduction to an 18x24" wardrobe.
-Negation of cult privileges.
-A downgrade to the F-Series C'thulu Mop.

Thank you, and good day.

Upon Getting Fired
Inspection-Horror-Filthy
Official Inspection Report
"Never in all my years have I entered a home as horrifyingly nightmarish as I did this week.

The failure of the reclamation crew employed to work on the home during the week is beyond indescribable!

Should Management decide to continue indenturing these... apes, I myself will be forced to resign.

As it is, I question how they were ever even let into the building in the first place!

I intend to inquire more over at Demon Resources.
Even if the "people" there are not from my department, something must be done!"
Notice-Horror-Fired
Official Notice
Dear Novice:

Your conduct during last week's work shift has led to an official inquiry into the compay's cult operations.

We cannot afford to continue indenturing destructively incompitent individuals such as yourself.

Consider this your final notice; you are banished!

Grand Masters will be over to question you soon.
You are to have your wardrobe cleared out by tomorrow, and you are to hand in your mop and novice robes at once!

Thank you, and good day.

Upon Getting the Company Liquidated
Inspection-Horror-Fired
Official Inspection Report
"I've seen some things, but never like this!

I am simply confounded, what could I possibly say?

Not a few feet into the home and I was covered in blood, rotting pumpkins and then repeatedly assaulted by possessed objects!
The amount of filth on every surface... beyond measure.

I didn't dare check the whole house for fear of my life. I'm never going back in there, ever!

I would suggest banishing these...savages, but I fear we'll need all the help we can get to clean this up!

I need to see my doctor, again. I just...AAAH

They don't train you to handle something like that!"
Notice-Horror-Liquidated
Official Notice
Dear Novice:

Your indenturement contract is hereby revoked.

We will not bother banishing you. You'll be joining everyone else in eternal damnation as the coven shuts down.

I will make it my personal mission to ensure that every god damn office and sect on the planet knows not to hire you, ever!

I wish I could see your face, but now I too must find a new cult, with this stain on my record no less!
May you rot in whatever hole you crawled out of!

Thank you, and enjoy the ritual...

Newspaper Clippings Edit

Upon leaving disposal bins
EndMsg-Horror-RunawayKiller
The Zombie Weekly
======================
DISPOSAL BINS; A RUNAWAY KILLER
News of a deathly kind this week, like every week.

A man was recently beaten to death against his car in the east suburbs.
Witnesses report seeing the man "boxed in" by several bio-waste disposal bins.
The bins, apparently able to walk, surrounded Mr.F Krueger and repeatedly threw themselves at him, forcing the man's body against his hideous Mercury Bobcat.

The suspects are still at large, so don't become tenderized meat if you can help it.
EndMsg-Horror-Mutation
Daily Hallows
======================
MUTATION; MUTILATION
Fascinating news this morning.
Early reports indicate a popular high-school jock was viciously consumed last night while relieving himself in an alleyway by what can only be described as a "Gelatinous Entity", which apparently housed itself inside a waste disposal bin.

Some tears and cheers were shed over the tragic news, while authorities attempt to track the bin's origin.

Some attempts are being made to secure the "Gelatinous Entity", but as yet it has slipped away.
Upon leaving water buckets
EndMsg-Horror-Exorcist
The Zombie Weekly
======================
EXORCIST EXCISED BY BUCKET
Tragic news as yet another exorcist has been found dead this month.

Some blame the moon, but others believe the bucket is a tainted object from the recent closure of an inter-dimensional gateway.
Whatever the case, the man was cut into small pieces by the sharp object before backup arrived.

How exactly the bucket was not properly disposed of remains a mystery.

Attempts are being made to commune with the demonic plane for answers.
EndMsg-Horror-Playschool
The Cannibal Digest
======================
MONSTER DEVOURS PLAYSCHOOL
Horrifying news out of the south valley this week as a playschool's grounds and attendies were devoured by some manner of Lovcraftian horror that took the form of a giant worm.

The monster, reportedly 5 meters in height and wearing a bucket tore through the grounds and began attacking the children.

The school body is currently under persecution by parents, but they are instead investigating and blaming some cleaning corporation for the incident, citing the bucket as hard evidence.
Upon leaving blood splatters
EndMsg-Horror-Blood
The Zombie Weekly
======================
THING IN BLOOD; MAKES YOU BLEED
A real-estate agent was found dead in a recently "reclaimed" home this week.

Patches of old blood found at the scene indicate that the home was not properly cleansed and exorcised by whoever was employeed to do so.

It is believed that the woman was killed by some form of entity that formed from the blood. Small traces of "morphing substrate" were found within the blood samples.

Needless to say, the sanitation firm will be punished!
EndMsg-Horror-Vampire
The Haematic Digression
======================
VAMPIRE GANG INVADES HOME
Yet another local group of melancholic blood suckers have "roosted" in an abandoned home.

This is the third time this month that the emerging clique of youngsters has taken over an abandoned premises.
Reportedly drawn to the building because of uncleansed blood desposits, the local police department are once again hesitant to acknowledge responsibility, and as such are leaving things as is.

The city council meanwhile is suing a sanitation firm\nfor the unfortunate situation.
Upon leaving Trash
EndMsg-Horror-Festering
The Zombie Weekly
======================
FESTERING FIEND BRINGS CROWD
Strange reports are still coming in this week from the suburbs where a crowd has now gathered on the lawn of a recently "reclaimed" home.

Police and other civil protection services are hesitant to approach what has been described as "an inhabited trash bag".
Onlookers claim the bag moves and shakes repeatedly.
No one really knows what's inside yet, so stay tuned for further info.
In the meantime, everyone agrees that the bag should never have been left there unattended.
EndMsg-Horror-Haggling
The Boiling Cauldron
======================
HAGGLING OVER SURPLUS SUPPLIES
Well known local supplier of witch goods, Boil and Potch's has reportedly accrued a surplus of ingredients from an abandoned home.

Although it's stated that the goods were a "trashy find", we expect them to be of the usual fine quality that the supplier is well known for.

Authorities are currently attempting to track the items, but have so far only managed to blame some sanitation firm for leaving said supplies in the open.

Be sure to visit the shop for the sale this week, hags!
Upon leaving trash cans
EndMsg-Horror-Mailman
The Zombie Weekly
======================
VICIOUS CHILD SLAYS MAILMAN
Tragic, but not unheard of news out of the suburbs this week as a mailman, or rather his scalp was found in the front yard of a recently "reclaimed" home.
Believed to be the victim of a changeling that hid out in an overturned trash can.

A vain attempt to console the child likely led to the man's death.
No one knows where the child is now, but by all accounts it seems authorities are more focussed on punishing the cleanup crew employeed to work the site not two days prior.
EndMsg-Horror-Misfortune
The Itchy Sore
======================
TRASHY ROLL OF MISFORTUNE
What began with a good samaritan, ended with a dead, and rather flat samaritan.

Mr. Detritus was strolling down the pavement when he rushed over to correct an overturned trash can in the neighbor's yard.
Mr. Detritus promptly slipped, became lodged in the trash can, and then began to roll inexorably toward the road.
It was at this point that truck driver Steve Earl, enamoured with a new porn collection, prompty rode over Mr. Detritus, killing him instantly.

Earl has since been harvested.
Upon leaving viscera
EndMsg-Horror-Eldery
The Zombie Weekly
======================
DEADLY ASSAULT ON ELDERY
Locals are outraged after a group of eldery from the nearby "Old Bones" retirement home were attacked by a gang of severed human appendages.

Several eldery were harmed before authorities could subdue the rowdy limbs.
The community is calling for answers, and it looks as if local law enforcement already have some suspects.
A cleaning company appears to be at fault for not properly disposing of the appendages.

Someone is sure to get a kick in the teeth for this one...
EndMsg-Horror-Cannibals
The Sanctimonious
======================
PRIEST EATEN BY CANNIBALS
Rev. John Green was brutally devoured by the servants of satan early last tuesday.
I ask you, can we allow these demons to wander in our midst!?

John was a good man, he sought only to cleanse a tainted home, but instead he was attacked by foul heathens, likely drawn by the scent of human flesh upon the house, and consummed by the wretched souls.

We must rise up, fellow believers.
Rise up and punish those who brought such evil down upon us!
Upon leaving kitchenware
EndMsg-Horror-EvilChildren
The Zombie Weekly
======================
EVIL CHILDREN KILL FAMILIES
Terrifying news out of the suburbs; some family children were found to have killed, repeatedly.

What began as an ordinary dinner for the Thompson family, ended in a bloodbath after their young child, Timmy took up some recently aquired kitchen knives and murdered his family.

Details are sketchy, but the kitchenware is believed to have come from an auction of the late "Adams Family Estate".

Timmy has since been caught and subdued, but those responisble have not...
EndMsg-Horror-Kitchenware
The Poltergeist
======================
KITCHENWARE ATTACKS FAMILY
During the showing of a recently "reclaimed" home, an interested buyer was reportedly assaulted by kitchenware.

The family, having since lost interest in the purchase, is suing the real-estate agency for the unexplainable phenomenon.
The agency however is blaming the cleanup crew recently employeed to reclaim the home, stating that it was their fault for leaving possessed kitchenware around the house.

The property has since been cordoned off.
Upon leaving jack'o lanterns
EndMsg-Horror-Pumpkin
The Zombie Weekly
======================
PUMPKIN SLAYS DOG
Dreadful news from the suburbs this week when a dead Pomeranian, Queequeg was found mutilated on the sidewalk.

The dog, having wandered off from its home, presumably to urinate on a lamp-post, was soon attacked by a solitary assailant; an animate Jack'o Lantern.

The lantern, believed to be a remnant of a recently reclaimed household has since rotted away.

Authorities are persuing the sanitation firm for this utter tragedy.
EndMsg-Horror-LanternArmy
Twisted Times
======================
JACK'O LANTERN ARMY
During a recent speech by local legend, "Sick Pup" on the hard life of a "trash-core" musician, a group of Jack'o men emerged from the streets and attacked several event goers.

Law enforcement believe the animated stick + pumpkin men were a result of the recently reclaimed home on Helm street.
Police are currently seeking suspects in the case, starting with the sanitation corporation.

The Jack'o Men have since vanished...
Upon leaving canned food
EndMsg-Horror-Worms
The Zombie Weekly
======================
A CAN OF WORMS
Revolting news still coming in this week from the suburbs where a man, or at least his body is still "emitting" an endless stream of what has been labelled "corpse worms".

Believed to have consumed canned food from a recently "reclaimed" home, the man's corpse is infecting the entire neighborhood with ungodly parasites. Several small dogs and a muscle man have already fallen victim to the legion of foul, slithering corpse worms and their putrid bile.

Authorities are busy tracking down those responsible for the reclamation.
EndMsg-Horror-Homeless
Nightmail
======================
HOMELESS MONSTER
Children from the "Kindergrube" school reported seeing a strange homeless man living under the nearby bridge this week.

When police investigated, they found a mutated monster wearing human rags and hoarding canned food. It attacked on sight, wounding several officers and snacking on another.

The majority of the food seems to have come from a recently reclaimed home on Helm street.

Attempts are being made to apprehend the company hired to clear the home.
Upon not cleaning the burial room in the basement
EndMsg-Horror-PeacePipe
The Zombie Weekly
======================
CHOKING ON A PEACE PIPE
It's a dark moment in our town's history when a local fisherman should be murdered by having a peace pipe shoved down his throat.

Reports indicate the fisherman's family had ties to the legendary Black Ridge slaughter in which a whole tribe of indians were wiped out by colonists.

The man appears to have been killed by an ancestral spirit from the same tribe, who settled in this area.
Evidence of their graves were found in a recently reclaimed home, but were not removed...
EndMsg-Horror-Ancestral
Haunted Monthly
======================
ANCESTRAL SPIRIT CLEAVES MAN
Abraham Kentucky, a local militia man was found dead this week in his home, a hatchet buried in his skull.

His wife tells us that he would wake in the night screaming and stating that he was being hunted by a tall indian man.
The description of the man matches historical records of Chief Bloodhawk, a great warrior who overthrew countless tribes in the area.

Authorities believe the recently discovered burial site at a supposedly reclaimed home nearby could very well have been his final resting place.
Upon leaving broken glass
EndMsg-Horror-Sharp
The Zombie Weekly
======================
SHARP AND SHORN
Slightly unusual news this week.

Reports indicate a somewhat well known cult leader, Philus Hunter lost his hair while walking past a recently reclaimed premises.

His order apparently appoints its leaders by hair length. And after losing his, he is sure to lose his position too.

The cult leader is currently charging a sanitation firm for the possessed kitchenware shards that robbed him of his priceless strands and shamed him among his fellows.
EndMsg-Horror-Corgi
Cold Feet Press
======================
SHARD GELDS PRIZE CORGI
Horrifc things happen to us all, but of all the things I've heard, this is the strangest.

During a tour of a reclaimed home, the interested buyers' treasured prize dog "Schloopy", fully expected to have bred a healthy litter, was gelded by a stray shard of kitchenware left around the home.

The owners are furious, insisting that some incompetent sanitation agency has cost them countless bundles of cash.

Our thoughts go out to "Schloopy".
Upon leaving the Voodja board
EndMsg-Horror-Livestock
The Zombie Weekly
======================
DEMONIC LIVESTOCK ADVANCE
Reports are coming in of "demonic livestock" roaming the neighborhood, trampling residents.

The cause, speculated to be the result of a cursed "Voodja Board" being used as a butcher's cutting block and thus providing a blood sacrifice is an absurd notion.
Given the state of things though, who can say otherwise?

Authorities are busy tracing the cursed item, stating that it may have come from a recently reclaimed home.
EndMsg-Horror-Voices
Cursed Gazette
======================
THE VOICES TOLD ME TO DO IT!
Mrs. Frakenwolffe, a well known community leader recently took a darker path down the trail of life.

Having reportedly "communed" with some entity through a "Voodja Board" and eventually convinced of her own importance, she set out to perform unspeakable acts of murder, killing her friends, boss and family, and ultimately being arrested and restrained by authorities.

There can be only one group to blaim for this; those meant to clear the "Voodja Board" from the home Mrs. Frakenwolffe was to approve for resale.
Upon leaving the lawnmower
EndMsg-Horror-RaceWalk
The Zombie Weekly
======================
RACE-WALK CUT SHORT
Horrific news this week when a group of "Race Walkers" were mercilessly mowed down by a possessed lawn mower that leapt forth from a bush they were passing by while walking the local park circuit.

Two of the group were killed, with little to no solid remains to be found. Three others were severely injured before the lawn mower's blade jammed on a build-up of spandex and bone.

The Race Walkers Association(RWA) are prosecuting a sanitation firm after authorities revealed that they are the prime suspect in the case.
EndMsg-Horror-TurfWar
Infernal Gardening
======================
TURF WAR ENDS IN DEATH
A tragic incident at this year's "Turf War" has led to the annual event being cut short.

The famous event where contestants battle to trim more square feet of turf with their chosen machines was disrupted when one contestant's lawn mower went rogue and "devoured" the adjudicator.

The machine, believed to have been illegally aquired from a recently reclaimed home, has sparked contraversy and brought about an official probe into the sanitation firm assigned to the reclamation.

Shadow WarriorEdit

Completion NoticesEdit

Upon Receiving an Employee of the Month Award
Inspection-SW-Exceptional
Official Inspection Report
"I was truly impressed by what I saw.

In all my hard years I have never seen such an incredible performance!

Not only was everything spotlessly clean and sanitary, it was also organized and tidy.

I would hate for this to simply go unnoticed, therefore I am requesting that we raise the expectations of our staff. A higher bar will encourage better performance.

This is sure to anger our less...accepting employees, but I ask you, isn't it worth it?

The violent ones need to learn to be more like this.

In the meantime, I implore you to award this uncommonly rare crew!"

Notice-SW-Exceptional
Official Notice

Dear Henchman:

Your incredible performance has been noted.

As I understand it, the inspector was truly impressed.

On behalf of Zilla Enterprize, I have been asked to assign you to the position that best suits your talents.

Therefore I have arranged for you to be sent to municipal services to aid them with a singular task that requires one such as you.

You will take command of a team of workers and lead them in this task.

Congratulations, you've earned it!

Thank you, and best of luck in your future endevour.

EndMsg-SW-LuckyBreak
The News Ninja
======================
LUCKY BREAK FOR JANITOR

After a stunning performance last week, a sanitation technician has been awarded Employee of the month and sent on a unique assignment; to work as foreman at the Sewage and Waste Plant downtown.

As foreman they will lead a team into the waste pipes and cleanup the great clog of 2006.

The plant has been inoperable for years now, but it seems they have finally found the right janitor for the job!

I wish them luck in making our toilets functional once more.

Upon Completing an Acceptable Job
Inspection-SW-Satisfactory
'Official Inspection Report'
"The pagoda appeared to be in a clean state; more or less.

Thorough searching revealed nothing alarming.

At least as far as the cleaning is concerned.

The cleanup detail employed to work on this pagoda performed acceptably, and I tentatively suggest that they be tasked with further employment opportunities.

I did however discover several safety hazards in the pagoda, but this is not their department.

I wish to see more employees follow this example.

I shall be watching this cleanup crew closely.

If they slip up, they will find me less than pleasant."

Notice-SW-Promotion
Official Notice

Dear Henchman:

After due consideration and thorough investigation it is Zilla Enterprize's view that you should recieve a petty promotion.

You shall recieve the following benefits:

-Upgrade from 24x32" of work space to 26x40".

-A 5% financial(before Tax) increase!

-A 3 space jump on the Henchmen equipment waiting list.

Keep up the decent work and you may even rise to the esteemed position of Head Hygiene Henchman within 20 years!

Thank you, and have a nice day.

Upon Completion of Sub-Par Job
Inspection-SW-Awful
Official Inspection Report
"This is disgraceful, the pagoda was in a terrible state.

I saw hardly any indication of "work" being done.

Whomever was employed to work the pagoda has failed miserably, and stained my shoes as a result!

I could scarecly bring myself to travel deeper into the building after what I saw.

I'm convinced that if a crew had done their job, I would still have useable footwear.

I hope management intends to string these wretched employees up for a travesty such as this, one I have never seen before.

The next time I go on an inspection, I demand proper footwear! This is simply unacceptable..."

Notice-SW-Demotion
Official Notice

Dear Henchman:

The pathetic work ethic that you demonstrated last week will not be tolerated!

Consider this your final warning; apply yourself!

Given your performance, the following are now in effect:

-Instant dismissal from Henchmen equipment waiting list.

-Reduction to an 18x24" work space.

-Negation of Henchmen privileges.

-A downgrade to the F-series "Reed" Mop.

Thank you, and good day.

Upon Getting Fired
Inspection-SW-Filthy
Official Inspection Report
"When I became an inspector, I never thought I would witness work as appalling and utterly gut-wrenching as I did this week.

The failure of the cleanup detail employed to work the site during the week is beyond catastrophic!

Should Management decide to continue employing these... foul human beings, I myself will be forced to quit.

As it is, I question how they were ever even given access in the first place!

I intend to inquire more with Mr. Zilla personally.

Even if he might cut my head off for asking questions, something must be done, and soon!"

Notice-SW-Fired
Official Notice

Dear Henchman:

Your conduct during last week's work shift has led to an official inquiry into Zilla's "Kage" operations.

We cannot afford to continue hiring destructively incompetent henchmen such as yourself.

Consider this your final notice; you are terminated!

Executives will be over to "take care of you".

You are to have your area cleared out by tomorrow, and you are to hand in your mop and access card at once!

Thank you, and good day.

Upon Getting the Company Liquidated
Inspection-SW-Failure
Official Inspection Report
"Dear god, I've seen some things over the years, but nothing...nothing compares to this!

I am forever scarred, and cannot bring myself to comment more than absolutely necessary.

A short few steps into the pagoda and I was slipping on the intestines and other body parts of our former employees.

Heads, limbs and blood everywhere I looked.

Visions that will haunt me for the rest of me - what looks to be a very miserable - life.

I left the pagoda as quickly as I could thereafter.

My clothes will never be clean again

I fear I will need to burn my clothing as soon as possible..."

Notice-SW-Liquidated
'Official Notice'

Dear Henchman:

Your corporate contract is hereby revoked.

We will not bother terminating you. You'll be joining everyone else in abject poverty as Zilla Sanitation shuts down.

I will make it my personal mission to ensure that you get the end you deserve, and that no one will ever see your sorry carcass!

I wish I could see your face when it happens, but now I must find new employment...

May you rot in the bile from whence you poured!

Thank you, and go to hell...

Newspaper Clippings Edit

Upon leaving disposal bins
EndMsg-SW-MidgetNinja
The News Ninja
======================
MIDGET NINJAS ATTACK BUSINESSMAN

Investigation into the murder of a local businessman has led authorities to issue a statement claiming that the man was attacked by Ninjas.

Not just any Ninjas mind you; Midget Ninjas!

The inspector in charge of the investigation purports that the assailants hid in a bio-waste disposal bin and ambushed the deceased.

Needless to say, no one is taking it seriously.

But, could he be right? It's not the strangest claim after all...

EndMsg-SW-CleaningService
The Shadow Press
======================

CLEANING SERVICE SILENCED

A startup cleaning company was shut down earlier this week after their entire workforce was found dead.

Early reports suggest a Yakuza connection, most notably; Zilla Enterprize.

It is believed that the stolen disposal bin found on the scene belonged to Zilla Enterprize's "cleaning" division.

Perhaps it was a retribution motivated response to the theft of Zilla equipment?

Whatever the case, it seems no one is talking.

Upon leaving water buckets
EndMsg-SW-Ambassador
The News Ninja
======================
DISGRUNTLED AMBASSADOR DIES

Not two days after issuing a disparaging report on a tour of Zilla Enterprize's headquarters, Mr. Nakamura, a Japanese ambassador was found dead in his apartment.

What the good ambassador was doing at a known Yakuza stronghold remains unclear.

However, his report strongly indicated that his tour was spoiled by a stray and filthy bucket into which he landed while observing the ancient relics on displays.

EndMsg-SW-Shame
The Rising Sun
======================

NINJA BRINGS SHAME

The recent discovery of a deceased Ninja believed to have been an initiate from the nearby "Kage Academy" has brought shame upon the school.

For some inexplicable reason, the student was wearing a bucket on his head.

It is believed that this is why he lost his grip while climbing the tall structure from which he fell.

The academy's master has claimed that he will "hunt down those responsible", whatever that means...

Upon leaving incinerator door open
EndMsg-SW-BigBang
The News Ninja
======================
BIG BANG THEORY

After the explosive news of an ignited fireworks factory last week, authorities have issued a statement suggesting they know the source of the fire.

Apparently the fire spread from an open and unattended incinerator unit in a nearby building.

The fire soon engulfed much of the building and then spread to the fireworks factory.

Reports of injuries and property loss are still coming in as a result of the exploding fireworks.

A nearby dog parlour has apparently been hardest hit.

EndMsg-SW-Stink
Tokyo Sun
======================
MYSTERIOUS SMELL CAUSES STINK

Local residents have begun complaining of a strong smell coming from a nearby Zilla Enterprize property.

Investigators - once allowed in the property - discovered a missused incinerator unit was issuing forth a noxious cloud, likely due to the doors having been left open.

Zilla Enterprize is blaming their cleaning service and refuse to pay the fines and charges laid against them.

Upon leaving blood
EndMsg-SW-Cult
The News Ninja
======================
CHILDREN DRINK BLOOD; FORM CULT

Bizarre news coming from the "Zilla Orphanage" in the garden district this week. The building recently repurposed by Zilla Enterprize.

Reports indicate that old blood desposits said to have been present since the Orphanage's very recent opening, were consumed by several children who have since formed a blood-cult.

Their leader, a particularly nasty little boy, refuses to back down from attempts to stop the practice. Authorities are looking into the matter, but are as of yet unsuccessful.

EndMsg-SW-Panic
Katana Times
======================
PANIC TURNS MANIC

A well known local business leader has reportedly shut himself in his house and won't come out.

Friends have indicated that he was acting severely panic stricken the other day after visiting the headquarters of Zilla Enterprize where he apparently saw blood stains on various surfaces.

Attempts to console the man have only led to more manic behaviour.

Authorities say he will likely be committed next Friday.

Upon leaving scorch marks
EndMsg-SW-NinjaOutbreak
The News Ninja
======================
NINJA OUTBREAK

There has been a recent surge in the number of Ninja hobbyists all over town.

Authorities are having a hard time keeping track of their inept thievery and other petty crimes.

Experts have blamed the increase on sooty residues found in a nearby pagoda in the garden district.

Reportedly used as facepaint, the soot has allowed these hoodlums to get away with countless crimes.

Authorities are currently unsure on how to stop them, but are calling in "professionals".

EndMsg-SW-CatBurgler
The Litterbox
======================
CAT BURGLER AT LARGE

Authorities have issued a warning to all cat owners this week after the now dubbed "Cat Burgler" has so far stolen over twenty cats from homes across the city.

Poor video footage and sooty residue found at the crime scenes suggests the thief has been covering their body in black residue and cat fur.

Authorities are at present searching any businesses for employees who've ditched work or otherwise had access to sources of black ash.

Upon leaving viscera
EndMsg-SW-FlyNest
The News Ninja
======================

YAKUZA STRONGHOLD A FLY NEST?

For the second week running, pest-control services from far and wide have been gathered outside a property belonging to Zilla Enterprize.

Despite the best efforts of the control teams, they have as of yet been unable to remove the scourge of lies occupying the building.

Investigators have apparently traced the source to some suspicious body parts.

Zilla Enterprize has refused to comment on the matter.

EndMsg-SW-GrimWard
Samurai Weekly
======================
GRIM WARD ATTRACTS POLICE

Police have surrounded a property in the garden district this week after passersby reported seeing what looked like human body parts hanging from poles on the property.

Zilla Enterprize has issued a statement implicating some of their own employees who were apparently just "fooling around".

As to the source of the body parts, Zilla Enterprize refused to comment.

Authorities are at present investigating Mr.Zilla's ongoing operations.

Upon leaving guns
EndMsg-SW-SushiStand
The News Ninja
======================
MADMAN ATTACKS SUSHI STAND

Horrifying news this week from the market district.

A man violently attacked a sushi stand, shooting the proprietor and all his produce.

The madman has since been arrested, but authorities have begun the investigation into how the man got a gun.

The police chief stated that they will start the search at his place of employment;

a property belonging to Zilla Enterprize.

We reached out to Zilla for comment, but have received no reply.

EndMsg-SW-Panda
The Pandamonium
======================
MADMAN KILLS PANDA

Shock has gripped the city zoo after a madman shot the famous Panda, Kage.

Details are sketchy, but it is believed the man reacted violently upon seeing the panda, due to a history of violent encounters with stuffed toy Pandas.

His pyschiatrist says the man has been suffering from severe hallucinations.

Meanwhile, authorities are attempting to trace the weapon used in this most heinous crime.

Upon leaving spent shell casings
EndMsg-SW-Killa
The News Ninja
======================
ZILLA A KILLA?

In news that should surprise no one but apprently does, Zilla Enterprize's stock prices have plummeted after authorities released a statement saying they have uncovered proof of a mass slaughter at a Zilla property.

Apperently several spent casings branded with "Zilla" were turned over to the police.

This is sure to cause further damage to the organization's reputation as other companies attempt to distance themselves from the incident.

EndMsg-SW-MetalWorker
Iron Post
======================

METAL WORKER ART SEIZED

A controversial piece of art has been seized by police as evidence after a local hobbyist displayed it outside his place of work this week.

Police claim the artwork(which is made out of shell casings) is suspicious, and they have taken the man in for questioning.

Zilla Enterprize, the company the man works for could not be reached for comment on the matter.

Police have since been seen entering the establishment however.

Upon leaving swords
EndMsg-SW-FathersHand
The News Ninja
======================
CHILD SEVERS FATHER'S HAND

Not soon after moving into a property in the garden district, the owner's son found a loose sword and began to play with it.

After breaking several objects and slashing at the air, the father came to take the sword from the cheerful child.

Upon attempting to grab the sword from the child's wildly swinging grasp, the father's hand was sliced off.

Little more is known about the incident at this time.

EndMsg-SW-Seppuku
The Shogunate
======================

NEO-SAMURAI COMMITS SEPPUKU

A neo-samurai was found dead in his apartment on tuesday, apparently due to a self inflicted disembowling.

Notes found in the apartment and the sword used both indicate the man's state of mind.

Appaled at learning his sword was second-hand, and not only that but also used by non-samurai practitioners, the man took his own life.

The sword has been traced to the previous owner, Zilla Enterprize, and The neo-Samurai community is demanding justice be served.

Upon leaving shurikens
EndMsg-SW-CutShort
The News Ninja
======================
INSPECTION CUT SHORT

Being an inspector can be a dangerous job, as was proven on wednesday when Mr. Namitsura's inspection was cut short after he allegedly tripped on a "Ninja-Star" or Shuriken.

The weapon instantly severed his foot, leaving the inspector stumbling out of the building and only barely making it to a nearby hospital.

Mr. Namitsura has put his foot in it again by pressing charges against Zilla Enterprize.

A move that is sure to end even worse than his accident.

EndMsg-SW-MurderCase
Harakiri Gazette
======================

YAKUZA STAR IN MURDER CASE

Evidence found at the crime scene of a local shopkeeper's murder points to the Yakuza.

A Shuriken branded with "Zilla" was found at the scene, leading authorities to issue a strongly worded letter to Zilla Enterprize.

As of yet there has been no response, but the chief detective has recanted his original statement and claims that he was mistaken.

This is one example in a long line of cases withdrawn against Zilla.

Upon leaving stacks of money
EndMsg-SW-NewOwner
The News Ninja
======================
NEW OWNER GOES BOTTOM UP

After recently purchasing property from Zilla Enterprize and nearly bankrupting himself in the process, Mr. Tsunami is said to have discovered hidden caches of money.

Not a week later, Mr. Tsunami was found drunk, high and wandering through the downtown streets.

Reportedly having spent all the money on drugs and a terrible gambling addiction, Mr. Tsunami ultimately relapsed and can now no longer afford rehab. His newly aquired propertly is also facing foreclosure.

EndMsg-SW-KarateArmy
The Dojo Domo
======================
MAN BUYS KARATE ARMY

Authorities are in a state of high alert this week after an unknown man reportedly bough out a Martial Arts studio, giving him access to a private army.

Reports have already started coming in of shopping malls and offices being attacked by hordes of Karate specialists.

Any attempts to apprehend the suspects have failed miserably.

Questions have also arisen as to how exactly the man(a common shopkeepr) got access to sufficent funds to finance such and initiative.

Upon leaving broken artifacts
EndMsg-SW-Curator
The News Ninja
======================
CURATOR SUES CLEANERS

A cleanup detail service is being sued by a curator after a visit to one of the buildings in the garden district.

Appaled at their treatment of priceless historic ornaments and artifacts, he is now pursuing legal action.

Zilla Enterprize, the organization in-charge of the cleaning service commented saying:

"We will ensure this matter is dealt with swiftly..."

Time will tell what happens to the cleaning crew.

EndMsg-SW-TourGuide
Shuriken Mail
======================

WALKING KILLS TOUR GUIDE

Earlier this week, a tour guide was hospitalized after leading a group through the Zilla Enterprize building in the garden district.

The building has never before been opened to the public, but was early on monday morning, under tight security.

The tour guide is believed to have tripped over some ancient and recently broken piece of artifact.

The tour guide has since died however, and authorities intimated that it was not an accident.

Upon leaving broken glass
EndMsg-SW-Arsonist
The News Ninja
======================
CHILD SHOWS POTENTIAL AS ARSONIST

Little Kogu was cheerfully playing with a piece of broken glass and calmly burning hard working ants on the side of a building in the garden district, when suddenly the whole structure caught fire.

The property owner is furious and demanding answers.

Even going so far as to suggest a cleanup detail is to blame.

Meanwhile, others are openly trying to recruit Kogu as an arsonist, claiming that he shows "a great natural talent".

EndMsg-SW-GlassArtist
Sushi News
======================

GLASS ARTIST PLAGUE CONTINUES

The "artworks" of local glass artist, Mr. Haisha are infamous, their hideousness polluting every public space in the city.

Many attempts have been made over the years to curb their spread, but Mr. Haishi keeps finding new glass sources.

Recent evidence suggests he found a cache of glass in a property belonging to Zilla Enterprize.

City authorities are demanding legal action be taken.

In the meantime we're stuck with the hideous abhorations wherever we turn.