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Letters From Children Edit
I want a new PlayBox 180 and a new yPhone 732S and the new Racer Man: Car Driver game! I also want a new bike because the one I got last year is dirty and I want a new Wind Breaker air rifle too!
I've been good so I want these!
I was good this year, so I want a pony and a bike and a new clarinet too!
My parents say I was good so I could write to you and ask for stuff! So I want the new Super Turbo Jet Racer car, with all the extras!
Also I want lots of chocolate and the yPad 8!
|Dear Santa Clors:
It was my birthday friday, mommy got me only 23 presents and a soccer field cake!
I hate her, I said you were better, I want 23 steak pies, 12 ice creams, 18 trays of reindeer chocolates, 3 big boxes of fudge, a Pear 5 Computer with Conscription 3: Brown Ops and a NitroGenie go-cart!
|Hello Mr Santa
I dont want any more stupud books again you must give me the new ULTRA MEGA WATER BLASTER ASSAULT CANNON and I want the big XX5 one so it will be bigger than kennys one! Im gonna fill it with asid from my daddys shop and spray down old mrs krouwtchs car! That teach her for calling the cops again! Now hurry up!
|Mr Santa Claws,
Happy Cristmas! This year I want the new Arachnidboy comic, a new motorbike, a new archery set, a new 58inch TV, a killer falcon like the one uncle Gunter has, a new stereo to make the butler mad and a big tin of chocolate caviars, but the red ones not the shit purple ones you gave me last year, BLEEARGH! I have been very good and only kicked people at school this year and the butler and that man at the carnival, but that was only one time except for the clown at my birthday fair.
Bills and Fines Edit
|Dear Mr. S Claus,|
Invoice, December 5th
Your total for this month comes to:
Payment will be required by no later than the 4th of the following month.
Good day, and thank you for your business!
Find enclosed your invoice and recipt for the following items:
5 Crates of Trinitroluene, 2 boxes of select heavy edged knives and 8\nboxes of 12 guage shotgun shells.
Pleasure doing business with you sir, and don't forget about our "Shoot Em 'n Loot Em" sale. All items 25% and more off until the 1'st!
Shooters & Looters
It is with heavy heart, and dwindling pocket, that we regret to inform you that you are being sued in the amount of $250,000.
The claims are as follows: 'Destruction of Property', 'Damages', 'Emotional Suffering', 'Public Disturbance', and 'Obscenity'.
Apparently, your reindeer had defecated across a house or houses as they passed by the area. For full claims and details, please read thoroughly pages 5 through 49.
Yours, Dickberg & Sons
|Dear Mr. Claus,
I have in my possession video footage (recorded in infra-red) of you along with your gang entering one of my premises via the fireplace. The footage also shows littering and you personally removing my valuable property (milk glass and confectionery items).
At present I am preparing to forward this evidence to local authorities unless I receive compensation from your organization in the sum of no less than $100,000. I have generously decided to give you until Monday to complete this transaction or face the consequences of your transgression.
The low-pay, the incredibly long work days, the lack of holidays; it's inhuman! If we at the union do not see radical changes in the next 3 weeks, we will be forced to pursue legal channels. And then, sir, you shall see that the full fury of the Elves is not so small! Good day.
Other Notes Edit
I'm in jail again and need bail money. I was caught whipping children in the streets. It's this one town; they're always trouble. I know you told me not to go out at christmas, but why must you have all the fun? I'm soooo bored.
I hope you send an Elf with the money soon, I do like Elves, so fragile.
Remember you owe me one for that Russian mafia inccident!"
Your Brother, Krampus
Yule Tide greetings Mr. Claus
I represent a select group of people with great gift giving ambitions.
The Klu Klux Klaus are looking for more people with your 'prominance', join us and we can show you great things, lead you to greater profits, assist you in labor management, or grant you access to specialized 'equipment'.
We await your response.
In Snow and Giving,